i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
