Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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