I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
