Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
