Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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