My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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