I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
they're like a gay fantastic four
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
