I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You left your underwear on the fireplace
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
