I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
