I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
