I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
