I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
two words...techno handjob
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
