she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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