my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
