D3 body, D1 cock
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
