I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
