and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
