I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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