I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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