Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
