Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
