But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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