Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
