I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
