I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
