forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
