my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
