saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
