I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
