I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
