So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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