you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
