I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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