Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
