Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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