I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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