Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
