i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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