it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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