can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
