Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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