Yo dont text me then not text me
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
