3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm having to shit out rocks
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
