I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
