Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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