Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
