making cat noises will not fix the situation.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
