alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
