my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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