almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
