Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
